Whod you bang
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
