making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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