So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
