That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
