You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
