yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
