Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
