i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
