I hate your face
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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