I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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