he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
