I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
send nudes
from the living room?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
