Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
