The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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