I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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