The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
