help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize