she was so not down for the gang bang
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
