I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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