So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
