I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
