she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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