I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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