Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The uberlube is also flammable
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
