Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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