i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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