i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When are your genitals available?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
