Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize