i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
