so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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