I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize