she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
