don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
