just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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