i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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