i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
