I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
