Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
