Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
