the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
