the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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