I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
