I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
