i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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