Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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