apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
