he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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