its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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