hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
