This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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