Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize