After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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