Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
