I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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