To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
