I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
