I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
