Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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