well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't deserve a penis
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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