She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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