I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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