I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize