I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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