Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
