Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
