I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
