My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
