I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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